Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
