When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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