Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
