I feel like abortions should bother me more
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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