how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
