we're blogging at a bar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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