Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
