You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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