I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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