we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
