Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
