the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
