Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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