i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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