Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
