Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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