Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
