I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
