it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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