oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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