how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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