I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
