I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
