Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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