My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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