id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
