I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
