At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
