hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
