I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
do nipples grow back?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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