Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
