it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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