this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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