Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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