I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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