Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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