so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
