someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
