And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
