Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
