Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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