and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
