Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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