You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
