..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
