very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
