The maid of honor just puked.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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