I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it hurts more in the daytime
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
