I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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