And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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