Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
