In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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