bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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