I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
