I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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