mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
