Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
