seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
