i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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