So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
