you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
