I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
