what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
