You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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