watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
People in love make me want to vomit
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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