dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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