You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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