When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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