I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sex in a hospital.. check
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
