I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
