His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
