i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
