I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
