My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
