When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
