I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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