yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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