I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
