K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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