so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
