Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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