Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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