I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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